by Kate Wildman
When I started college, I moved so far from home. Farther than I had ever thought possible. Farther than anyone should be expected to move at the ripe age of eighteen. We’re talking roughly three thousand…steps...from my childhood home…Scratch all of that. I went to college basically in my back yard, at a school where my mother was a professor and where I knew approximately everyone. I never had to go through the relocating pains that most of my friends went through when they started college, but this made my transition when I moved to Washington, D.C. three years later that much harder. As I worked to build a new home in a place that felt like anything but, I discovered a few principles that would have made my transition so much easier. By the time I left D.C. to return back to Chicago for graduation just nine months later, I left deep friendships that endure to this day, a job I loved, a church that felt like family, and streets that still feel like an old friend every time I return. As you look beyond graduation and consider your own transitions away from the places and people you call home, here are some things I wish someone had told me to make my move that much easier from the very beginning. 1) Join a Church, FAST. There’s nothing more important than ensuring your soul is fed as everything around you feels uncertain. Finding (and committing to!!) a church is hands down the most crucial aspect of your move. By surrounding yourself with other believers from the very beginning of your time in a new city, you establish friendships quickly, invite accountability, and easily find ways to serve your new community. In each of my subsequent moves, I set a time limit of no more than six weeks to find and commit to a church body. Church shopping only serves to distract, discourage putting down roots, and prioritize your own desires over obedience—as soon as you find a Bible-preaching church where you feel you can serve, stop looking and dig in. 2) Find Two Communities Loneliness, for me, is by far the most difficult part of any move. In order to maximize my chances of making friends quickly, I always make sure that I look to establish at least two communities when I move. These can include your church family, your co-workers, a weeknight basketball league, a book club, a local food pantry—no matter the avenue, make sure there’s more than one, and with as little cross-over as possible. This will force you to be bold, while increasing the number of people you interact with in a place that feels so unfamiliar. 3) Put Down Roots It’s easy when you move to focus on how easy it is to up and go somewhere new if it doesn’t work out, particularly on those Friday nights where you don’t have plans and are homesick for the people you left behind. When I move, I try to frame every decision I make as if the place I was living was going to be my home for the next ten years, and immediately start establishing routines, whether that’s stopping at the same coffee place every Saturday, taking the same route to work each day, setting aside a night of the week for small groups, or finding a friend to have a weekly coffee date. This allows me to take intentional ownership over getting involved at church, understanding and serving the needs of my community, and, most importantly, cultivating deep relationships with others. It’s hard to build meaningful connections, much less contentment, if you constantly have one foot out the door. 4) Make the First Move I can’t encourage you enough to stop waiting for other people to invite you into their community. If you are lonely, and if you want to build community, it’s up to you to take ownership and make the first move. Ask people you find interesting out to coffee, start connecting the many people you meet, host groups at your apartment, invite others to join you as you explore your new neighborhood—the more time you wait for someone to ask you first, the more discouraged you will feel if it doesn’t happen. You have the power, however lonely you feel, to make others feel significant and included, and that’s more important to building lasting community than easing your own sense of discomfort. 5) Let Yourself Grieve I believed the lie for a long time that because God called me somewhere new, I wasn’t allowed to feel homesick for the place I left behind. This ended up building into deeply-seeded discontentment and bitterness, as well as an unhealthy ideation of home. We’re all called to be nomads on this earth, sure—but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. When you feel sad or nostalgic or homesick, don’t ignore it. Lean into it, grieve the good things you left behind, and allow the Lord to carry your burdens and remind you that he, in the end, is more than enough to satisfy your longing. 6) Cultivate Old Connections As you start to build connections in your new home, don’t be surprised when your friendships from your hold home change. Even though these changes can sometimes be even more difficult than building new friendships, it’s important to also remember to cultivate your old friendships, even if they look different now than they used to. The people you left behind—your friends, family, and church body—are all your brothers and sisters, first and foremost. Be realistic about how your relationships change, but don’t drop the people who are important to you even though they are no longer close in proximity. 7) Keep Your Satisfaction in the Lord Above all else, hold on to the truth that no earthly thing can satisfy you. When we are lonely, or disappointed, or anxious, it’s our heart’s first move to long for change, and too easy to look to a person, a place, a job, or an emotion to satisfy our longing. Use times of transition to remind you that your home is in Heaven, and ask the Lord to cultivate a deep contentment in his word, his promises, and his salvation above cultivating a sense of home. He goes before you, he stands behind you, and he alone can satisfy.
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AuthorMay 22nd's post is from Mary Elizabeth Goodell. She lives in Ukrainian Village on the west side of Chicago and works for Hope Works Community Development. She is committed to working with and for the disenfranchised, particularly women who have experienced sexual exploitation and gender based violence.
BloggersWe'll post from a variety of voices of 20-somethings in the Windy City who are navigating life, work and relationships post-college. Archives
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